seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
