I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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