OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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