My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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