so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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