Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
