Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
