I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
