when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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