Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
