After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
