she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize