She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
