Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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