No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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