he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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