I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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