3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
