I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
