okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
