Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
