i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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