Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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