Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
