the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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