so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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