my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
