i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
