is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
