I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
