My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
