dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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