I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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