you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
