i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
