There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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