I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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