I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
