As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
