how can u be prego again
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
