I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
