whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
