I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
