Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize