Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
