I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize