someone get that fucking seahorse.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
