good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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