I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
