Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
