there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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