I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Randomize
