i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
