kristin has been a bad kristin
love makes seman taste better
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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