i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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