Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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