I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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