Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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