More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
