i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize