this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
