He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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