so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
