@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
