He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
