I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
