so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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