I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
