Girls should come with a carfax report
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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