I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
