I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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