No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
